i struggle with small talk. i’m good at it, but it bores me. i don’t want to talk about the weather or stop at how’s work and how’s your mother? i want to know what your soul craves. your wildest dreams and your biggest fears. what you think about when you’re tossing and turning at 3 am, unable to sleep. i want to hear about the times you felt the most loved, the most in love. what it feels like in your body, in your heartspace when you think about the impermanence of life, about your own death. i want to delve into your craziest thoughts, the ones that make you feel scared and alone (because i promise they’re not so scary and you’re not so alone) and i want to explore the things that make you laugh from the depths of your belly, that make you chortle and snort, and the things that make you cry so hard that your body contorts and convulses into primally primitive patterns of release. it’s okay. we’ve all been there. i want to free fall into your youness and to carve out a safe space to pour, drip, spill, funnel out my essence for us both to explore until everything and nothing makes sense anymore.
I've been buzzing around working on an exciting new series and a couple of film projects, just signed with Jennifer York at DPN, and am gearing up to dive straight into TIFF exhaustion... needless to say, life is full, but I've been slacking on the blog front. I've got a list of things I'm planning on writing about once I emerge from the film festival twilight zone.
Until then lovelies!
i want to stretch myself out
beneath the layers of your skin
unfurling your youness
so that i can piece together
where you’ve come from and
what you are
in relation to who i am
and how i feel
there is a particular intensity, a specific vibrational frequency to my soul that crashes into everyone & every thing - visceral exploding spectacularities of the most unusual kind. be gentle with me. i'm doing the best i can (aren't we all?).
I'm going to be honest - since moving to LA, I very rarely wear makeup anymore. I was raised in a household where things like, "That woman's so beautiful when she puts makeup on. I don't understand why she runs around all day with a bare face. Why doesn't she fix herself up?" were regularly muttered. So, it's no wonder that I got my first pro-sized makeup kit at the age of five (to play with - purple eyeshadow up to the brows, fluorescent pink blush, and white lipstick, anyone?), and started wearing full-on primer, foundation, blush, bronzer, powder, eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara daily by the age of 16. The feminist in me, or at least part of her, cringes at this, but I've also always defended women for having the right to choose to wear makeup without it having to be about feeling insecure or not good enough as they are. Makeup can be a ton of fun. To me, experimenting with it from a super young age was just like experimenting with painting, music, acting, dance... another art form. But since acquiring my LA perma-tan, plus living in a beach town with relaxed, sunny vibes year-round, I just don't feel like experimenting most days. I still love makeup and I've never felt better or worse for wearing it or not wearing it. I think, on the whole, we should stop judging other women and beating ourselves up for wearing or not wearing makeup. Play, experiment, don't. Do what feels good to you and eff what anybody else thinks. I'll totally admit that while being bare-faced in LA year-round feels right to me, stepping out in Toronto in the middle of winter without at least some light foundation, bronzer, and a solid amount of eyeliner just feels wrong. To me, obviously. I'm sure there are plenty of people who'd feel ridiculous wearing foundation and eyeliner anywhere, anytime. But it is something I've noticed - my hair, makeup, and clothing choices shift every so slightly between cities and seasons (or lack-there-of).
That being said, here are a couple of my favorite foundations:
Zuzu Luxe is a medium to full coverage sheer, certified gluten-free, oil free liquid foundation that makes my skin extra glowy. It's super lightweight, 100% vegan, and cruelty free.
Kjaer Weis foundations are formulated with incredibly moisturizing ingredients like sweet almond seed, coco, and jojoba oils. It goes on super smoothly and can be applied by hand or with a foundation brush. Produced in Italy, a minimum of 95% of the ingredients used in this product come from organic farms - the foundation if CCPB Certified Organic, contains no petroleums, parabens, artificial coloring or fragrance, or petrochemical emulsifiers. It's also certified gluten-free. I especially love that the metal case it comes is in reusable - you can simply order refills online, remove the old insert, and pop in your new one as needed.
Last year, I had the pleasure of hosting a dear Italian friend for several days. There was even more activity than usual in my kitchen during his stay - he insisted on cooking for me daily and well, it would've been rude to refuse, right? We made several meals together and ended up improvising one serious "big ass salad" for lunch late one afternoon based on whatever we had left hanging around in my fridge. It ended up being one of the best salad's I've ever eaten and I make it pretty regularly now. Do as we did (instructions below), or try your own BAS improv jam & let me know how it goes :)
Wash, chop, and combine in a giant bowl:
Jicama, several slices, cut into small cubes
Celery, 2 - 3 stalks
Carrots, we thinly sliced a handful of baby carrots
Fennel, 1 bulb, cut into small slices/cubes
Red pepper, 1 medium, thinly sliced
Spinach, a generous handful or two
Cucumber, 1 half to 1 whole, cubed
Fresh basil & fresh mint, a few leaves
Almonds, cashews, brazil nuts, a small handful
Sea salt, to taste
Hummus, a tablespoon or two
EVOO, a drizzle
I have, on occasion, also added a few shakes of cayenne pepper for a little kick, and/or a sprinkle of caraway seeds... because... I'm really into adding caraway seeds to things.
Mix and enjoy!
This article on creating unlikable female characters really hit me in a good place, in the best way. It's something I've come up against a lot in my own writing - I often get feedback, mostly from my male counterparts, pointing out that x behavior makes my female characters really "unlikable" and, well, I kinda don't give a fuck. In defense of unlikable women covers many of the reasons behind why I don't believe that female characters should necessarily be wholly likable, that their actions and behaviors shouldn't always be black & white, clear-cut. Because, women are, afterall, in real life, flawed and messy and complex in myriad ways. Shouldn't we be mirroring that in our art?
That's all for this week, loves!